The daily adventures of a stay at home mom to three boys. She'll make you think. She'll make you smile. She wears her babies (or they wear her- we're still not so sure.)
Blog Details
Overall rank: 192457 Number of inbound blogs: 31 Number of incoming links: 66 ATOM: ATOM feed Last update: 2008-10-14 12:20:00 GMT Estimated value: $44,719
Analytics
Incoming clicks since last reset: 2 Outgoing clicks since last reset: 105
Latest Posts
Chin Down, Smile, But Don't Show Your Teeth
So I went to renew my driver's license the other day and all was going just fine until I failed the eye test. With my contacts in.
Seriously, I could see just white fuzz on the right side. The girl looked at me and said, "Uh, not even close."
It was then that I realized that maybe the dizziness and weird vertigo I've been feeling lately was because of my contacts and not because of some crazy illness in my head. The room had been occasionally spinning ever since I replaced the contact that Ivy knocked out.
I had put the wrong one in the wrong eye.
So now I'm wondering what else I'm blaming on really dumb things. Probably a lot more than you'd think.
Oh, and they still renewed my license. Guess that right eye doesn't really matter.
(I'm still wearing my glasses until my new contacts come.)
Oh, if it was only as glamorous as it sounds. You see, I am just an everyday Mom with a stuffed up nose, still in my pjs as I type this. My main goal for the day is to do laundry. Return stuff to Target. And have movie night with the boys.
Someday (dare I say) the Internet may no longer be here. But I'll always be Mom.
It is quite nice to have a place to call my own online. It's comfy and cozy and me.
And I'm going to enjoy every last bit of it while it lasts.
Two weeks ago I wouldn't have guessed I'd be feeling like I am today. Christmas break was starting and with the kids off school I just didn't know if I was ready for it- mentally and physically.
But now, as I'm thinking about the boys going back to school on Monday, I'm sad. Without them near me it's like I'm missing an arm or an eye or something.
Last night I took a test. We haven't been trying, but I haven't been feeling very well lately and I just needed to know.
The moment I saw that second line appear so many things flashed through my head- just like a movie! Good and bad. Happy and scary. Ivy's just 3 months old. Another homebirth! FIVE kids?
I immediately ran into my bedroom and demanded hubby for the box. (Maybe I was a bit frantic.) LETMESEETHEBOX!
And for the first time in all the 8 years I've been tinkling on those sticks, two lines does not mean pregnant.
And for the first time in all my life I think that maybe just maybe I never want to take another pregnancy test again.
Every December 31st without fail I have certain goals in my head- resolutions for the New Year to come. And almost always they are great things to aspire to, but not always reasonable. And by February are long forgotten. I'm not talking about promising myself to join the gym and fit into my size 4's again (yes, I once had size 4's) sigh. I'm not talking about giving up chocolate or fast food or pop or things of that nature.
It's the stuff we might not even say outloud or write down. The things more spiritual. More life-growing and character-building.
These things have taken on a new meaning to me. In areas where I think I need to start over or be someone new, I am now seeing that I can stay me. I can take the things that I don't like or would like to improve and, well, improve them. Make it better. Fix it.
How incredibly "green" it would be to stop throwing out ourselves and just conserve. And reduce, reuse, & recycle within.
Personally, one area of myself I'd like to fix is how I see the world. I'd like to take more time to see the world how my children do. To take more moments to consider their perspective instead of my own. And the same goes for my friends. And family. As much as we are all alike, we are just that much more different.
We are going about this life, living day to day just trying to get by. Just trying to make it to the next. And somewhere in the middle is a whole lot of purpose waiting to be discovered. Parts of us ready to be used how they were meant to be. Parts that don't need to be thrown out after all- parts completely capable and deserving of being cleaned up, sharpened, fixed, and renewed.
This New Year's I'll be picking myself up, brushing the dust off, and moving forward.
One of my favorite memories of this entire year was my surprise baby shower earlier this summer. It was over 6 months ago and I still get little butterflies in my stomach when I think about it. And I still can't believe they managed to surprise me.
But I also was surprised to learn something about myself. My friends revealed that I am not a good hugger.
Me of all people- Miss Personality and happy-go-lucky and all- was not a good hugger.
In all my life I never knew it, but I wasn't giving real hugs.
I am a side hugger.
And that, I'm told, is not a real hug.
So since then, I think about this every time I hug someone. And people noticed! when I started giving good hugs! Not only were the people I was hugging missing out, but I was missing out.
There is nothing like a good, frontal hug with arms wrapped nicely around you.
I am so thankful that my friends were kind enough to give me a hug intervention. It's really a whole new way of life.
Now doesn't this make you want to hug? Hug as many people as you can today.Don't forget your hubby or wife. And your kids. Even babies. Dogs. A good pillow.
Be open to the idea that there are even things you'd be surprised to learn about yourself.
It all started back when Noah was having seizures and we took a fine tooth comb to everything. This meant finding out about the dangers of vaccines and doing major research and never vaccinating again*. Which led to having a natural birth with Gray and babywearing, then exclusive nursing, trying hard to stay dairy-free, and child-led weaning. Then to having a home birth and cloth diapering (which is going SO WELL and I love it!) and now distilling our own water, including filtering our shower.
I am really very happy with the path that we are on. It's been a natural progression at our own pace and it works for us, which is all that really matters anyway.
I weighed Ivy the other day and she was 15 lbs. Most 6-9 month outfits are too small on her! I have to remind myself many times that she is only 3 months old. Even after four children it continually amazes me that her growth and survival is wholly dependent on me.
I can't even wrap my mind around how it is even possible, so I'm happy to just stare at her in awe.
Since the day she was born, maybe even before, I've felt like every moment with Ivy is like Christmas morning. I really don't know how else to explain it.
There is nothing like a Mama and her boys. My heart will always feel this way.
But it wouldn't be truthful for me to hide the sparkles in my heart and the tingles from the top of my head to the ends of my toes that I have for my baby girl.
As I dressed her for Christmas Eve in her ruffled tights, navy patent leather shoes, beautiful dress, and bow for her head I felt like every crevice in my being was filled complete.
In that portion of time I truly felt like I had it all.
I'm where I am. Wherever that is. It's where I should be.
Recognizing I'm so incredibly blessed that it can not be contained. That's the abundance I seek.
It's All About The Shoes And The Places You Wear Them
So, I'm speaking at BlissDom '09 and I would love to meet you and hope you'll consider attending, too. Have some Christmas money to spend? If you register before December 31st, the conference is only $100!
I know, I know. It's not about me. I know the main attraction is Ivy. She'll be there. And she can't wait to hang out with fabulous ladies like Shannon from Rocks In My Dryer who sent her these fine sparkly shoes that Ivy thinks are fierce.
Who Knew You Could Get So Excited Over A Stinkin' Diaper?!
This is where it begins! I'm about to wash my first load of diapers and I CAN'T WAIT! Seriously!
All the cloth diaper supplies I have so far:
6 BumGenius diapers Charlie's Soap* (update- this irritated Ivy's skin, so we switched to All Free & Clear for now) 2 Snappis 12 Indian Prefolds 2 Thirsties diaper covers 1 Bummis Whisper Wrap 1 lg & 1 small wet bag
See anything that I'm missing? I am SO thankful for all your suggestions so far!
It's so frustrating when you don't feel like yourself and you totally know it and just want to be back to normal, or at least your own sense of normal, again.
I think I'm back.
The past few days have been so much better. I feel like a better Mom. A better person.
I have still not made it to the bottom of the laundry pile and have so much to do ahead of me, but it all doesn't seem so large after all.
This is the third time I've tried to write this because our power keeps going out.
And other things I realized about myself while watching A Charlie Brown Christmas.
Like Chuck, I seem to be the only person who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem.
That's not me. That's not the usual me, at least. Not the me I want to be.
I am so thankful I have a new stocking- a pink one!- to hang up this year.
I love it that Noah is the only one who can make Ivy laugh the deep belly laugh.
It makes me sad that today Carter wrote "My Mommy is tyred sometimes" but also happy that we can talk about it...
and rethink just what is worth it: nourishing my soul, shining a Light, investing more time in seeing the world through these eight eyes instead of a heart-less computer.
Sometimes it's not about balance at all. There really are things in life that are just more important than others.
When I think back to the past couple months, yeah, they were rougher than I'd like to admit.
The almost-car-accident was not my fault and wasn't because I was tired. A big truck came flying into the roundabout near my house and I was already in the circle with the right of way.
But it did make me think. About a lot of things. I was glad my mind wasn't somewhere else and that I wasn't distracted with my phone or CD player.
My hubby stayed home today.
I definitely have super-woman syndrome, but it's not because I feel like I have to wear a cape. It's because I want to do these things like bake cookies and give a zillion percent of myself to everyone and every thing. It really does make my heart happy.
There's just so much that a human body can do. I get that.
(ducking) I did make 10 dozen cookies today.
But now I'm resting. It's a good thing. It's replenishing.
And just might be the only way I can have more of myself to give.
I am so tired that I almost couldn't type this post.
Last night I narrowly avoided a car accident- I'm still a little shaky inside from it- and that woke me up for a little bit.
But today, my body begs to hibernate. I have kids to dress and feed and cookies to bake and things to write and packages to mail.
I'm so tired I forgot what I was going to say next.
If things get done, they get done. If not- oh well. Of course my kids will be dressed and fed and even loved on some.
But that other stuff? We'll see.
It Could Be So Different
blink blink
In the rare moments of quiet I have found myself wondering how exactly I got here.
I look around.
Hello.
Hello?
I have four kids.
I am almost thirty two years old. I'm, like, a grown up. When did this happen?
I've done things, made decisions to get myself to this very moment in time.
I've had faith that moved mountains, I've fallen on my knees, on my face, down big black holes. Sometimes I thought I'd never get up.
But always, somewhere deep, deep down I knew I was going to win.
This photo has special meaning for me, during a time that there was so much unknown ahead. We never let it get the best of us- the darkness, the epilepsy, the heartache, the loss, the being beaten to the ground- whatever you want to call it.
We got up.
By the grace and mercy and power and might and strength and love of God, a very good God, we made it.
The hard times are never really over. But we're still winning.
